I know it takes effort to get you and your partner to couples therapy. When things are bad, you are certain you'll make the call. But the next day things are better and you think you can get away without it. If you are repeatedly frustrated by your interactions, and feel lonely, confused, and frustrated, now is a good time to call. I have heard countless couples say they wish they had started couples therapy earlier. They had hoped they would outgrow the problems in their relationship or learn not to be so hurt by them. But the problems lingered, and led to emotional distance and simmering frustration.
I commonly work with communication problems, loss of connection, bridging differences, managing strong feelings, sexuality issues and issues of responsibility.
To have a partner to be with and share a life with is a gift. It can also be a confusing array of conscious and unconscious feelings, hopes, expectations and dreams. Disappointment, isolation, resentment and discouraging fights often bring couples into therapy. The hope you once had for your relationship has decreased, and you wonder if there is a way back. I encourage couples to come to therapy as soon as they become aware of these growing feelings. This allows you to strengthen your ability to comunicate and repair before the patterns become more ingrained and hurtful.
I especially like working with couples because of the opportunity for personal growth and healing. When a couple arrives at my office, I know that their difficulties are immediate and that they are ready to work. There are real, external problems facing most couples these days, but the internal obstacles are the most fraught. I am able to decipher the subtle roadblocks to productive communication and have a natural ability to see both sides of the issues. I work to create an emotionally safe environment for both members of the couple so that you can increase your self-understanding and empathy for your partner.
Intimate relationships face challenges that other relationships do not. Because of the nature of attachment and neurobiology, both of which have been scientifically studied, we are more emotionally and physiologically vulnerable in our intimate relationships. The depth of the connection we develop evokes in us the complexities of our early attachments, often triggering emotional responses that are painful or confusing. This can lead to repetitive and discouraging interactions.
Through communication exercises and exploration, you will learn what is most meaningful to you, how to communicate that, how to ask for it, how to create an environment where you are most likely to get it, and how to deal with your disappointment and frustration when your partner fails you. Creating a successful relationship requires emotional maturity.
I have received specialized training at:
The Psychoanalytic Couples Psychotherapy Group in Berkeley The John Gottman Institute in Seattle, The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, The Institue for Relational Intimacy.
John Gottman's work is based on many years of research into what creates satisfying long-term relationships. In particular, I am certified in the "Bringing Baby Home" training to work with couples who are pregnant or raising young children. Since research shows that this may be the most challenging time in a couple's relationship, education, support and therapy can be extremely helpful.
I work with couples at all stages of their relationship such as pre-marital, married, co-habitating, remarriage and long marriages. I work with gay, lesbian and heterosexual couples, as well as families raising children in alternative and traditional configurations.